Divorce With Children

Don’t fight over your kids. Try to make as few changes as possible in your children’s routine. If at all possible, keep them in the same school and same activities and same church/synagogue /mosque. Encourage them to see their friends and extended family members. Keep telling them you love them, it’s not their fault, and you will do your very best to take care of them.

Don’t cut your children off from the other parent. Stick to a visitation or timesharing schedule. Be on time for the exchanges. Don’t start arguments with your ex during the exchanges. Don’t hold long discussions about the kids, the debts, the lawyers, etc. when your son or daughter is transitioning from your care to the other parent’s time.

Don’t put adult decisions on the child’s shoulders. How much a child understands about the break-up of the family depends on the child’s age and awareness, but never assume the child is protected merely because you think your little one can’t hear the arguments or see the tension in your face when you are talking to or talking about the other parent. Sitting down an 8-year-old and asking “who do you want to live with – me or him/her?” is simply cruel. Asking the same question of a 12 or 14-year-old is also not fair because it’s equivalent to requiring a child to make adult decisions. The older the child, the more input he should have in how to live his own life, but if a teenager were truly capable of living on his own and making adult decisions, then he would do it. You are both still the parents, so act like a mature, responsible one.

Don’t make the children the messenger. If child support is late, don’t tell your child to ask Daddy for the money. Don’t tell the child, “I wish I could buy you that new Xbox game, but your Mother didn’t pay me child support this month, so I can’t afford it.” Also, don’t have the child ask the other parent to change the visitation schedule. For example, if you have a family wedding you want to go to that’s not during your regularly scheduled time, don’t tell your daughter she can be the flower girl first and then have her ask her father if it’s okay to go to the wedding on a day he’s scheduled to have her. That’s setting up both your daughter and her father for disappointment and conflict.

Don’t put down your ex to the children. Very young children see themselves as extensions of their parents. When you attack or belittle the other parent, you’re essentially attacking or belittling your own child. Saying things like, “I didn’t break up our family. Your Daddy did that all by himself because he’s such a jerk and he’s the one who cheated on me” only makes your child want to defend Daddy. No child wants to believe his or her own parent is a jerk or a cheater, even if it is true. The child may think, “If Daddy is so bad, then I must be, too.” Divorce is one instance where, if you can’t say something positive, then say nothing at all.

To speak with an experienced Albuquerque divorce attorney, give us a call at (505) 431-4716 or contact us online today.